Death at a Funeral

THIS MAY BE THE ONLY EXCITING FUNERAL YOU'LL EVER SEE. My Rating: *** 1/2 - Good

With a cast as loaded as the new film "Grown Ups", you can obviously tell this movie is somethin' else. Depending on what kind of moviegoer you are, that can be for better or for worse. But instead of sounding like I'm taking vows at a wedding, I want to tell you about a movie concerning a hilarious FUNERAL. The plot deals with a grief-stricken(or at least most of them) family dealing with the death of a beloved husband and father. But, he was part of a pretty large family and a large group of mourners have gathered to attend what they THINK will be an ordinary funeral. But, that idea quickly goes out the window as shocking revelations, jealousy, tension, blackmail, severe drugs, and just sheer mayhem all show up at the same time and that time happens to be a very bad time. Now as you can see, this is a PERFECT setup for a comedy. So my compliments to zee writers. Not only that, but like I said before, they also have a PERFECT cast. Many of the actors are also pretty much comedians. These would include Chris Rock(above,left, "Madagascar"), Martin Lawrence(above,right, "Big Mama's House"), and Tracy Morgan ("G-Force"). Other stars include James Marsden( the "X-Men" series), Zoe Saldana (" Avatar", "Star Trek", and "The Losers"), Peter Dinklage( above, tied-up, "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian"), Danny Glover("Barnyard"), and Luke Wilson("Old School"). Phew! Now that I actually got finished going through the cast, I must say that their performances are very well done. All of them are believable and engrossing. That's just what a comedy needs. A good comedy also requires a good plot. Now some people might say "how does this have a good plot if it's a comedy taking place at a funeral"? Well, if you think about it, it's a comedy taking place in one of the most, well, "unfunny" places. And that really just makes it even funnier. Here's an example: The film "Blazing Saddles"(1974) is a comedy taking place in the violent old west of the 1800's. But somehow, the writing found a clever way to use the setting to it's advantage and make it even funnier. There was a lot of racism back then and especially in an old western town out in the middle of nowhere. And so the writers made it about a black guy that becomes the sheriff of that town. That's just one thing though. The writers of THIS film had several things similar to that. One example of this is (***WARNING: SEMI-SPOILER ALERT***) when Uncle Russell(Danny Glover) eats too much cake and gets diarrhea. Uncle Russell is an old man AND confined to a wheelchair. So Norman(Tracy Morgan) must help him get to the toilet. While setting Uncle Russell on the seat, his hand gets stuck under him and Uncle Russell just starts going and once Norman gets it out, it's covered in waste. Then, he tries to wash it off but it sprays it all over the place and just gets a HUGE spot on the mirror and gets it all over his face. Now don't tell me that isn't even remotely funny. This is a comedy that does, well, actually have some true comedy in it. It's not like those vulgar comedies that might as well have a sign on the cover saying "WARNING: MUST SET ASIDE MATURITY TO BE ENTERTAINED". But, the only problem is that that was one of the only parts I really laughed my pants off. My image of an ideal comedy is one that's both interesting and keeps me laughing the whole way through. I started out really liking "Death at a Funeral" and I was waiting for some hysterical mayhem. But when nothing like that happened, I just sat back and enjoyed an interesting film. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of funny parts but not much reaching the hilarity of "Dumb & Dumber". But, the work of the writing was fantastic which you can see through it's plot. Although the plot has many things happening parallel to each other, it is very well planned and thought out and even just the set-up just makes you laugh. As you progress through the film, you can see these "parallel" lines start to curve towards each other. And I know that's better than anything I could've come up with. But all in all, great acting, the story is very interesting and engrossing, and I think most of you will actually be happy after watching this one SAD family.

Starring: Director: Neil LeBute
Chris Rock
Martin Lawrence
Zoe Saldana
Danny Glover
James Marsden
Loretta Divine
Tracy Morgan
Columbus Short
Peter Dinklage
Ron Glass
Luke Wilson

Green Zone

I GUESS THE GRASS REALLY ISN'T GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. My Rating: ** - Fair



The title of the film seems like it's dedicated to director Paul GREENgrass. I didn't realize that until one of my favorite parts in the film. Which was when it ended and the credits started rolling. Although Matt Damon (the "Bourne" series) is a very good actor, The script seemed to slow him down. The film is supposed to be a thriller and it does have a well-mapped out plot to keep the suspense but for some reason I just wasn't feelin' it. I actually had to refrain from falling asleep. The plot takes place in 2003 Baghdad and a soldier named Roy Miller(Damon) is serving there in his search to uncover the truth about Baghdad's WMD program. But as he quickly sees that the fact that every spot they are told contains these dangerous weapons comes up empty doesn't add up, he is thrown into the middle of a dangerous maze of lies and, well, shooting to help save lives. Sounds interesting right? That's what I thought. But, it's previews don't really practice what they preach. Is it suspenseful? Yes. Is it enough to really affect you? No. If you want a REAL thriller, watch "The Dark Knight" or "Taken". For almost the entire thing, I just felt like I was watching someone play "Call of Duty". Just two hours of shooting, yelling, and "good will hunting". The acting is pretty good however. If you only take a look at Damon's strengths, he's un-fire able(but then again, most actors are). Despite the fact that he has a very small amount of weaknesses anyway. All other actors deliver good performances but the screenplay wasn't good enough for you to get the full effect. What I DID like about it was that it does have a good plot, a good storyline, good acting, and a GREAT ending. Although for most of those had a lot of times that contained one of the things I can't stand that some films do: wasted potential. I feel like this movie had a lot to back it up, but it just wasn't done right a lot of the time. But like I said, the ending makes a good chunk of it worth while. It would be a felony for me to spoil it for you(maybe I should make a list of the best movie endings...). Although it's not enough to make a whole lot of the film worthwhile, it does serve as a reminder that sometimes to do what's right we need to step out of the green zone.

Starring: Matt Damon Director: Paul Greengrass

The Book of Eli

DENZEL WASHINGTON IS PHENOMENAL! My Rating: **** - Great



Denzel Washington should have won an Oscar for this movie even though the last Oscars were for films of 2009 and not 2010. All the same, they could have made an exception. Anyway, in this plot, the creativity is to such a degree that this film will leave you interested but it avoids the dangers of predictability. For the very reason that it's creative. Also, from the heart of the film, it might as well be DIVINE creativity. In this futuristic story, God has had it up to here (imagine me holding my hand high above my head) with America. We have become extremely greedy and sinful and spoiled and take everything for granted(or heck we already have). So God destroys America in an event referred by some of the characters as "the flash". In the aftermath, America as we know it becomes desolate. Very little life is left to walk the soils of the country and most life that IS left is fighting in somewhat of a "caveman type war" over dwindling resources. So, God chose one man, Eli (Denzel Washington) to protect the last Bible on Earth and take it far west. So, with no other form of transportation and very little food and water (but God still provides), Eli has been walking. Walking west and west and west, to complete his God-given task. And has been doing so for 30 years. That's where the movie starts off. And anyone who gets in the way, well, that's another story. As he is under attack by a man named Carnegie(Gary Oldman) who is hooked on getting his hands on that book. The film's depiction of the state of the world in the story is crystal clear and gets for the most part straight to the point. Minus the pretty slow beginning. This is mostly due to the very good acting. Gary Oldman's performance is almost as good as his role in "The Dark Knight" and Denzel Washington's performance is GREAT...just like all of his other films. The action scenes, or at least 90% of them, go down like this: Eli will try to avoid trouble, but some idiots always gotta start it so they attack him, ALWAYS in groups of at least 10, Eli will repeat some verses from the good book that kind of "match" his battles, and then, well, he goes straight to the slicin' and dicin'. After that, he just moves on with his task. Once you see these scenes, you know this guy doesn't mess around. Equipped with guns, knives, a bow and arrows, a small sword, and divine protection, he's one unstoppable man against a thousand men with immovable ways. While, as you can tell, it IS a dark film. But, at the same time, it is also a hopeful one. Which is also how I would describe the film's soundtrack. The somewhat "theme-TUNE" of the movie is very dark but yields a spark of hope. The cinematography is very unique. Almost as if most of the film is "tinted" with a sun-burnt brown color. But does have some normally lighted scenes. But, whatever faults the film may have, a little slowness, a little gore(but the "tint" blocks most of it.), and a somewhat depressing mood, all contribute to costing it a potential fifth star. But, if you can look past all of that or even the outer coat of the film itself, under it all, especially with the ending, there is beauty and moral value in the movie. And that's no leap of faith.

Starring: Denzel Washington Director: The Hughes Brothers

Gary Oldman

Mila Kunis

Extraordinary Measures

BREANDAN FRASER AND HARRISON FORD GO EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES IN THEIR NEW FILM! My Rating: **** - Great



Other than "Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", Harrison Ford hasn't done very many movies lately but he picked the right one to make a comeback! Adding yet another excellent performance but it doesn't quite live up to his roles as "Indiana Jones" in, well, the "Indiana Jones" series or as "Han Solo" in the "Star Wars" series. Brendan Fraser, on the other hand, is surprising me more and more. Despite how much I wasn't a real fan of "The Mummy" series, he is a very good actor. Now, their talents have been combined for a new film going extraordinary measures. The plot is based on a true story where 2/3 of John Crowley(Brendan Fraser)'s kids have a disease called "Pompe". Pompe is a bone deteriorating disease that has confined both of his children to wheel chairs and a lot of medication. The life expectancy of patients with this disease is at most about 9 years. His kids with the disease are 6 and 8. Him and his wife are tired of hearing that they "simply don't have a treatment for Pompe". So, he has been doing research on this disease and he finds an article by a scientist named Dr. Robert Stonehill(Harrison Ford). He has a theory for a life-saving drug for Pompe patients and is on the verge of a scientific breakthrough. The only problem is that he has no funding. John is for one, a very successful businessman and is willing to go, again, "Extraordinary Measures" to save his kid's lives. So, the two begin working together and start a company that works on Stonehill's medicine and with one man controlling the science of the project and one man controlling the business and legal entities, they must exceed all expectations and race against all odds and the clock to ensure a good outcome on the lives of John's children and all other Pompe victims. The story is one that is just as inspiring and uplifting as "The Blind Side". The script was very well written but the story seems just to good to be true. It's a little bit of a turnoff but then again, you have to remind yourself that the story IS true. And it's a true, hope-filled, extraordinary tale that brings the drama genre to another level. All actors contribute fully believable performances to the film driving it further and further to the point where it deserves to be called a great film. But, was there depth to the wording of the script and the emotion of the performances that was missed but easily could've been there? Yes. I did get the feeling there was some missed emotional and moral quality in the writing that, if it was there, which it could've easily been, I think it would've driven it to a 4 1/2 to 5 star movie. But it was missing that little last yet very strong emotional connection you need to a movie. Examples would be like "The Dark Knight", "Avatar", all three "Spider-Man" movies, "Iron Man" 1 & 2, "The Shawshank Redemption", "The Blind Side"(I know I mention most of these movies a lot in my reviews), and so many others that do the missing link to this film right. But, the film still does a great job of getting up after it's knocked down and fights till the end to deliver on the promise of the previews. You do still feel a connection and will be amazed by the beauty and inspiration of a wonderful movie. In spite of all the films that are much darker but at the same time get you thinking about the darkness of reality, this one manages to show us the light and hope in it. And gives us the lesson to hold on to that hope even when against all darkness. It's inspiring because it's a true story where they did exactly that. Just like the movie's tag line, they didn't hope for a miracle, they made one.

Starring: Brendan Fraser Director: Tom Vaughan
Harrison Ford
Keri Russell

The Hurt Locker

A TRIUMPHANT WAR MOVIE! My Rating: ***1/2 - Good



Wow. I like action movies but I'm not a war movie guy, but this actually was pretty good. At first glimpse it seemed boring, but the film holds real value. The plot takes place in 2004 Iraq and a man named James is deployed there in a bomb disposal team. Which obviously is an extremely dangerous job. His two comrades, Sanborn and Eldridge, just recently lost their previous leader in this fatal line of work. James is a fearless man and has the tendency to "leap without looking". This is a very different trait from the previous captain and the two must try to contain him throughout their missions together. All three are relatively new and at first seem to think of war as an adrenaline-quencher. But later on in the film, it does a good job of going in-depth as it is shot in a way that is half documentary and half, well, regular movie and you see that the way they think of their job is changing. They must learn to cope with the real emotional stress and loss of battle. They are constantly defusing bombs while being shot at or stared down by civilians. The events changing them are, from a film-making perspective, well done. Or, in the words of my former math/science teacher: "solid". You get a big feeling of adrenaline and suspense amidst all the gunfire and explosions propelling the entertainment section of the action sequences. Although in pretty much all of the action sequences, they use the f-word as the foundation of EVERY verbal response to EVERY situation that puts them in "deep doo-doo". The film does feel like a "Call of Duty" game sometimes and less of a film as the setting is always the dull, 100 degree sandy ocean of death and despair that Iraq had become due to the war. But then again, that sounds like an interesting place for a story to take shape isn't it? Just...if you think about it. The thinking behind the story is so unique and well planned out that it makes a successful movie for a change. Although I did hear that the writers are being sued because that sounds like a real military story and I think the guy suing them had a nickname in the army that was exactly like the film's title. But anyway, if you aren't an action or war movie person, I don't recommend you watch this. There is obviously a lot of explosions and gunfire and foreign(to the U.S.A.) people who look creepy and mysterious and some gross things in it. It won't work for all audiences but it DOES present something 9/10 people can at least remotely relate to. Just imagine "District 9" combined with "Green Zone". You know, that type of "mood". The acting is extremely well-done. ALL performances are fully-believable and strong. You really feel like this is all real. Overall, good acting, good action, yet somewhat has a dull, shooter-video game, out focused feeling. The audience that would rank at the "enjoyable" level may be a little too specific. But, all the same, you want an epic war movie? You got it.

Starring: Jeremy Renner Director: Katheryn Bigelow
Anthony Mackie
Brian Geraghty
Ralph Fiennes
Guy Pearce

The 7 Adventures of Sinbad

JUST HAVE TWO TODDLERS RUN AROUND KICKING A BALL AND YOU WILL BE MORE ENTERTAINED. My Rating: O Stars - Are You Kidding Me?

You know, I used to think movies weren't gonna get worse than "World's Greatest Dad". This broke that scale. There's a reason no one's heard of Asylum Studios. They make, simply put, amateur movies. That probably comes from the company's lack of money. But here's the thing: if you don't have the money, don't make a movie depending entirely on special effects! Make a drama or something. I mean really, just watch the previews for other Asylum films like "Mega Piranha" or "Meteor Apocalypse". They look so cheesy. Just like this film. The plot is short and simple: An industrialist must complete 7 impossible tasks to stop the apocalypse...CHEESY. I've seen old movies with many cheesy things that still topped this by measures that no person can fathom. 'Nuff said about the plot line. I would say "don't even get me started on the special effects", but then what's the point of reviewing it? But, to sum it all up, the effects are pure garbage. "Power Rangers" has done better than that. You can tell that creatures are CG. Just imagine a live-action movie that had a character from, say, "TMNT" standing next to the LIVE action characters. That's what it looked like. On top of that, you can tell the actors were staring at nothing. So yes, poor acting. But they were buried in a terrible plot line and poorly written script. Every event of the film is jumbled and random. I honestly think that "Sesame Street" makes more sense. Asylum just need to avoid special effects. If they are to become a major film company, which they clearly are trying to do, they need to make good movies. If they make good movies, they get more money, THEN they use special effects that look decent. But stick to some other genre for now because clearly this isn't getting them very far. There really isn't much else to talk about for a movie this terrible. It's not layered. Everything about the film is worn right out on it's sleeves. That leaves me with not much to talk about. It's so bad it hurts. Overall, bad acting because it really just wasn't believable for me;they need a GRIPPING performance, TERRIBLE special effects and plot definitely killed it, and just an awful experience. The thing I can say about this is: The film is an absolute must NOT see.

Starring: Patrick Muldoon Directors: Adam Silver
Bo Svenson Ben Hayflick

Did You Hear About the Morgans?

OUR FRIENDS HUGH GRANT AND SARAH JESSICA PARKER FROM THE BIG APPLE TAKE A TRIP TO THE WILD. My Rating: *** - Decent


I guess Marc Lawrence has heard about the Morgans because he has brought something that was actually somewhat funny to the table. But that seems kind of easy when you have a funny story. The plot is about a couple, Meryl(Parker) and Paul(Grant) Morgan, who's marriage is quickly dissolving. One day, they are taking a walk after dinner and witness a murder. What does a criminal do to witnesses? He takes them out right? So they become "endangered" so to speak and the criminal starts hunting them. The officials of the big Apple decide that the only way the couple will survive is if they enter the witness relocation program. The program takes people who witness crimes to remote places and shuts off all contact from the outside world and hides them until they catch the criminal. So, they send the couple to Wyoming. Both of them own successful companies and are used to the city. Now, they are in a very rural place and must cope with no cell phone, no computer, nothin'. Just laying low and staying in the same house may actually be the hardest things they've done all year! So with this goofy plot line, Lawrence has fun as he is able to go in depth to the relationship of the two and clearly show you how their marriage is holding and how the challenges of Wyoming change them. He "gives off the right vibe" simply put. They end up staying with Meryl's distant cousin which is pretty convenient. As the tiny, one story house actually contains many surprises for the Morgans. Whether it's on the wall, under the bed, in the couch, in the refrigerator, or even outside, it will keep you laughing. But, sometimes you get the feeling that it's a little...draggy per say. Like the adventure seems unending even though it's within a running time of 103 minutes. I also think it could have been a little bit more serious. The plot line is very good, but goofy. I mean, the writers had a chance for some really deep stuff here that could have made it better. I understand that it's a comedy and it works kind of well that way. But, one thing I know is that all great comedies have a hint of seriousness in them. The acting is good. The film was cast perfectly and they all did well. There isn't much bad I can say about it. So, I would say that there really isn't a targeted audience. Although there is a PG-13 rating, I would say anyone 10 or older would really be able to enjoy it. Of course a toddler would watch it but I don't think they would really care. But I think their goal was to hit everybody. So overall, funny plot, good acting, funny scenes, but the rest seems to plain. It's not that it's not enjoyable, but when someone isn't having marriage problems, going to a rode, or getting sprayed in the eyes with "Bear Away Spray", it seems a little like dead space. That's the main thing that kind of killed it. It's all plain. They need that extra something that makes the movie special. Movies aren't just people acting out stories for your entertainment. That's not enough. So some people tried computers, not enough. What makes a movie special isn't something that you can make with effects or with your hands. But your creation and imagination and wisdom is what propels these stories. You can't just bring any old good movie just like the other thousands of them. You don't even bring a GOOD movie. But it's when you bring something MORE that makes it special. That one extra special ingredient only you know about. So my question for the film is, "did you hear about the special ingredient?".

Starring: Hugh Grant Director: Marc Lawrence

Sarah Jessica Parker